This year Hari Raya Aidiladha is very meaningful to my family especially me.Been waiting for a miracle to happen during the crucial time but in vain. We lost our precious baby on Wednesday 25/11/09.Been pregnant for 9 weeks. Took the precaution like I always do when I was in my 1st trimester but it happend again for the 3rd time. Was really tired during that week cos I had to assist my doctor and he finished late. When I was getting ready for work,while I was brushing my teeth, I vomitted and i kind of force out the balance of my vomit.Little did I know that I actually bleed abit. Not trying to be panic, I cleansed myself and get ready to work as I was already late. In the MRT, i dnt feel good and my tummy kind of having mild cramp. I juz pray to Allah that no harm will happen to my baby.
When i reached my workplace, I prepared the room for my clinic session. I bear the mild cramps till lunch time. When i check my panties during lunch time, the spotting still there. I told my staff nurse that I need to get to KKH A & E as soon as possible.On the way to KKH, I could only pray that Allah protect my baby.Called hubby telling him about my condition. While waiting for my turn to see the doctor, my heart juz keep beating fast.When I was in the consultation room,told the doctor on duty what happen and she told me to lie down on the bed so that she can do the scan.When the doctor was doing the scan, i could sensed something is not good cos the doctor keep putting on the gel on my tummy to get a better view.She asked whether the previous scanning I did,did I saw the baby's heartbeat and I told her yes.
Then she showed the screen to me. My baby's heartbeat was fainting and when the doctor tried to maximised the pic, we couldnt see the heartbeat anymore.My tears juz keep falling when the doctor said that she can no longer see the baby's heartbeat.I felt so lonely and loss at that time, without any love ones to comfort or hug me.Hoping for miracle, the doctor wanted me to still continue with my hormone medicine and go for thorough scan the next day but if the scan stated there is no heartbeat, I got no choice but to go for "washing". She gave me a choice whether to be admitted or go home to have a rest but i chose to go home to be with my boys.Once I was outside the consultation room, called my mom. Tried calling my hubby but he was busy at work. Took a cab home and cried myself to sleep that nite.
On Thursday 26/11/09, I went for my scan. I was already prepared for the worst and true enough, I lost the baby. The doctor wanted me to be admitted right away but I told him I want to do the procedure on Saturday as I got family matters to attend to. At 1st he was reluctant but eventually he allowed me to come on saturday since I insisted. He advised me if the bleeding got intense, I have to go to A & E immediately.The reason I delayed the procedure was that on that thursday, hubby and I made aqiqah for Raiyan, then on Hari Raya Haji, my mom make kenduri arwah my bro for his 1 year death anniversary. I dont want to miss both occassions. Fortunately, there is no bleeding during those 2 days.
However on the morning of Hari Raya Haji, I told hubby that after the kenduri, I will do the procedure. My in-laws didnt know about my condition and we dnt intend to tell them either. We juz act per normal on that day. Then we head to my mom's place at 3pm. When I reached my mom's place, my mom gave me air zamzam to drink. I had my last meal at 4 plus juz before the kenduri starts at 5pm. My auncles & aunties keep asking me why am I not eating, I juz kept quiet and went into the room. Not long after 1 of my aunt went into the room to talk to me.She told me to redhakan dgn apa saje kehendakNYA.Allah maha mengetahui. Hari Raya Korban tahun ini lebih bermakna buat I suami isteri.
What my aunt said is true. I should be blessed with wat I have; my hubby and my 2 boys. Now I'm blessed of having 3 babies waiting for me at Jannah. Amin. ALFATEHAH
the name tag
I super hate this thing cos it hurts like hell
Khairi finishing up my chicken soup
mama, can I have somemore?
