Yesterday I took a cab to work. I still wearing pad eventhough there's no more brown discharge, just a precaution. Did my work as per normal. Went to the toilet every hour to check on my condition, nothing. As per normal, I was chatting with Kak Eimah and Kak Azian in the late afternoon when I feel the same thing as on Monday. There was brown discharge and a mild stomach cramp followed. Feeling uneasy, I approached my colleague; Jesline from the accounts department. I told her my problem and she told me if I feel uneasy I should go straight to the hospital. The reason I approached her is that she ever encounter this kind of thing. Feeling uneasy as I sensed something was wrong, I decided to tell my boss that I need to go to the hospital immediately. Without hesitating my boss let me go. Before I left my work place, I called my hubby at home telling him that I'm going to the hospital. I walk outside my building and there was a lady driving her car decided to let me ride in her car and alighted me outside at the main road. It is difficult to get a cab at my work place as it was really a "ulu" side. I really dnt know why I didnt called a cab at that time.
While I was waiting to hail a cab, I smsed my SIL telling her my problem. Then while I was in the cab, my elder brother called me. I was already started to cry as I sensed something is wrong with my pregnancy. I told him I'm goin straight to KKH 24 hour Women's Clinic. Then he told me he's on the way there to meet me. When I reached the KKH 24 hour Women's Clinic and register myself, my thoughts have been goin wild thinking something bad goin to happen to my baby. The nurse gave me a bottle for my urine test. While waiting for my name to be called, my hubby called asking how's my condition but I told him that it's not my turn yet and he got the cheek to ask me "mama nak makan apa?" Org tgh panic dia tanya pasal makan!! He told me he cant leave the house as Khairi was having his afternoon nap and I told him it's ok cos my bro is coming tapi dalam hati ni berkata "how I wish u were here with me papa". I know Khairi will throw tantrum when dia dikejutkan but at that time I really felt lonely. One by one my family members called me; my SIL (my bro's wife) and my 2nd elder bro called. I was there crying to myself. When my name was called, the doctor said my urine test is positive and need to do ultrascan to find out wats wrong. At 1st he scan my tummy after I told him that I've already went for my 1st ultrascan at HPB last mth. While he was scanning my tummy, there was "something is not right" written on his face. Then he told me he need to scan below. When he put the ultrascan stick on my vagina, I realised that he didnt poke too deep though and he got a "worried" written on his face. Then he showed me the screen and told me that he didnt see any heart beat at all and there no movement too. My tears just flow like a river when the doctor told me that. I LOST MY BABY.....After I clean myself up, the doctor discuss my condition to me. He gave me 2 options; (1) to wash the baby tonite (last night) and (2) to wait 1 more week to monitor my baby's condition which he says it's a miracle the baby survive as he totally see no survival of my baby at all after the scan and he advise me on the 1st option as he do not want me to bleed at home since I've already got the sympton of miscarriage. Feeling already dampened with my miscarriage, I told the doctor I need to discuss this 1st with my family before I make any decision but in my mind already made up of washing my baby even though it's hard for me to accept the reality that I lost the baby yet again. The 1st person I called is my elder bro and I just cant stop crying at that time. He advise me to call my hubby and my mom. I called my hubby and told him the bad news and I can sense that this matter just feels like nothing to him cos he didnt even comfort me over the phone while I was crying at the other end of the line. I tried to called my mom but no answer. Not long after my elder bro came with him still in his uniform. I just couldnt stop crying at that time. My bro told me to "redhakan" kepergian my baby as Allah sayangkan my baby more than I do and my baby will be much more safer disisi Allah. After he said those words, I just stop crying. Then my hubby came together with my son and my 2nd elder bro. I told my hubby of my decision of washing off the baby as I do not want to memudaratkan my kesihatan if I decided to wait. Then he fill in the application forms for me to be admitted. While I was about to be wheeled to my ward, my mom came and I hugged my mom and cried. My mom cried and told me " bukan rezeki ko ayang, redhakan saja." Then the nurse wheeled me to my ward. Since I drank a bit of water earlier on for my urine test, the doctor scheduled my operation at 11 pm as I've to fast at least 6 hours before the operation. During the time before my operation, my family have been keeping vigil at my bed and keep talking happy thoughts to keep me away from crying.
During my 1st scanning last mth, the nurse told that my baby already has legs and hands forming. When I told my mom that, she said that we must claim back the body as dah cukup sifat. To confirm this matter, my SIL even called the pengekebumian company and they said we should claim the body and semadikan as per normal. About the gender, the doctor will do the procedure and will write in the death certificate. My mom and my 2nd elder bro even gave me $700 for the pengekebumian tu. 2 more hours to go before my operation and I was feeling restless due to the mild cramp that I'm having. At 10pm, my family have to leave the hospital as it was already passed the visiting hour.
At 11pm, I was asked to change into the operation clothings. By 11.30pm, I was wheeled into the operating theatre. In there, there was a chinese lady doctor telling me that it's no point of claiming back the baby's body as I was only about 3mths plus in my pregnancy and when they wash my womb, it will be into pieces and blood. As this is about religious matter, I politely told her that I need to discuss with my husband who is waiting outside the operating theatre. Without considering my thoughts which is sedang berkecamuk at that time, she rudely told me that I'm big enough to make the decisions. Then I told her off "right! I'm big enough to make the decisions but this is regarding religious matter and I need to discuss this with my husband before I do make a decision which I might regret for my whole life!" After that she just go into a room and the nurse told me that she will called my husband so that I can discuss this matter with him. Kurang ajar kan tu doctor!!!! After a malay nurse explain my situation to my husband, both of us decided not to claim the so called body. And I was wheeled back into the operating theatre where I was put to sleep during the operation. At 1.15 am, I was awaken by the nurse at the recuperating room. Then by 1.30 am I was wheeled back to my ward. My hubby was there for me till 2 am to attend to my needs. I didnt feel any pain at all maybe bcos of the anesathic.At 2 am, hubby went home as tomorrow (today) I'll be discharge after lunch if my health permits.
So today after lunch, I was allowed to be discharge and was given 9 days of hospitalisation leave up till 13 Sep. I decided to stay at my mom's place for 1 day and return home tomorrow.
To my frens who have been consoling me, I would like to say thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate your best wishes and the doas u've given me. Thank You again!!!
